Unless you’re one of our (poor, unfortunate) Twitter followers, you probably missed our epic live-tweeting of the Lifetime 2-night premiere of Bonnie & Clyde. (Translation: Lena came to my house with adult beverages and we ordered “party” pizza. Then we sat on my couch with phones/laptops and retweeted each other all night).

This is not a stock photo.

Aside from a few flashes of bizarrely graphic violence, Bonnie & Clyde was pretty forgettable. (It was actually forgettable even while we were watching it. Every few minutes someone would say, “Wait, what did I miss? Whose funeral is this? How did they get out of jail?” and then we’d poll the room and realize no one could remember what the hell was happening. It’s like they filmed it in amnesia-vision.)

We made up for an unmemorable movie with some memorable tweets. A few highlights:

Messing with the official Lifetime Twitter account:

@lifetimetv are you guys wasted, too? #typos

— Attempted Blogger (@attemptedblog) December 10, 2013

@lifetimetv that’s exactly how I feel about watching this

— Attempted Blogger (@attemptedblog) December 10, 2013

Analyzing the plot:

All 3 people in room: “That’s her mom?!” an hour and a half into the movie #thanksfortheplot #BonnieAndClyde

— Attempted Blogger (@attemptedblog) December 9, 2013

Retweeting the like-minded:

Just saw my first “I want that Bonnie and Clyde type relationship” tweet.. You can’t be serious.

— Raven M. (@rmahoneyxo) December 10, 2013

Key observations:

Bonnie is a robber, but she is also a lipstick vampire who breaks into peoples’ rooms and uses up ALL of their lipstick #bonnieandclyde

— Lena Webb (@eatyourlentils) December 9, 2013

Summarizing the plot (and bringing back “peen”):

@attemptedblog Clyde was in jail for a few minutes and the Squirrel Nut Zippers rescued him and Bonnie showed some cleave and got some peen

— Lena Webb (@eatyourlentils) December 9, 2013

Bringing others up to speed:

@LMNReviews @attemptedblog someone got shot in the dick!

— Lena Webb (@eatyourlentils) December 10, 2013

Expressing concerns:

We’re running out of time for the albino rabbit premonition to possibly ever make sense #BonnieAndClyde

— Lena Webb (@eatyourlentils) December 10, 2013

Closing reflections:

Theory: the script for #bonnieandclyde was a pinterest board cc @eatyourlentils

— Attempted Blogger (@attemptedblog) December 11, 2013

 

I lost no followers during my EPIC live-tweeting of Lifetime’s Bonnie and Clyde. This concerns me.

— Lena Webb (@eatyourlentils) December 10, 2013